Finding My Way Back

Deeply moved by the Queen’s funeral today; the grief, tears and wisdom of my Inner Child, gently flow … 

“Dear Poets and Dreamers,

There is a way back I promise you, back from the rooms where you …”

© Deborah Gregory 2022 – Extract taken from my forthcoming book, Soror Mystica
Art: “The Three Ages of Woman” also known as “Mother and Child” by Gustav Klimt

22 thoughts on “Finding My Way Back

    1. Thank you so much Luisa for your beautiful, kind-hearted words! I felt deeply moved to write something today. Something that touched the sorrow and the grief of old wounds. Earlier I said to a friend, is this crazy but I feel so happy to be alive to witness this solemn time. Thankfully she understood and could read well between the lines. Love and light, Deborah.

  1. Our Queen’s funeral and the final Committal has made this such an overwhelmingly emotional time and, for me, the collective grief has reignited my own sadness for past hurts and personal losses. Creativity in all its forms is a wonderful therapy for this, allowing our inner child to play and to be able to live through and heal unbearable hurt a little more each time it comes to the surface.

    Your creativity, in the form of your moving prose poem, reminds me of this in such a heartfelt way, that it is possible to live again…that this time shall pass. Thank you, Deborah, for such wise words, with much love and light, Sophia.

    1. Thank you so much dear Sophia for your wonderful reply! I’m so sorry to hear that your own personal grief has been reignited yet understand the magnitude of the occasion and how so many of us feel discombobulated and filled with sorrow. Yet these occasions also allow our Inner Child to heal those deeply buried and often forgotten hurts and wounds.

      I couldn’t agree more re creativity, as in several of my poems I declare that the poet saved me, time and time again. Funerals, like weddings are highly creative events. The beautiful floral wreath laid on the Queen’s coffin was a history lesson itself for the rich symbolism that roses, oak leaves and heathers revealed. I’ve just read this on the BBC news website …

      • Rosemary for remembrance – rosemary has long been associated with remembrance
      • Myrtle, the ancient symbol of a happy marriage, cut from a plant that was grown from a sprig of myrtle in The Queen’s wedding bouquet in 1947
      • English oak, a national symbol of strength, in a nod to the Queen’s constancy and steadfast duty. It also symbolises strength of love

      Death, life and rebirth come to mind. What an incredible time in our lives this is! The past two and a half years in particular have been just extraordinary. Love and light, Deborah.

      1. Oh yes, that they grew a new plant from the myrtle in the Queens wedding bouquet is an amazing and romantic way to remember your wedding day. Then for Charles to give a nod to the Queens long marriage to Phillip by specifically requesting a sprig from that same plant for her funeral shows so much regard for her life with his father and Charles’s love for her. Seeing him honour his mother in this way reminds me of the importance of honouring the inner parts of ourselves, especially our inner child in times of joy and sorrow.

        This small floral gesture symbolised what the whole day stood for – Renewal and life after death – bringing to mind the traditional proclamation which we as a nation sadly heard two weeks ago “the Queen is dead, long live the King”…and so the cycle of life continues. Extraordinary times indeed!

        1. Thanks so much Sophia for adding this info about the floral wreath. I had no idea the family had grown the plant from the Queen’s wedding bouquet. Yes, what an amazing and romantic gesture! Honouring our Inner Child is so important which makes me think of my return trip to my old parent’s house in the last week or so and how delighted I was to see that the house had finally been cleared. My Inner Child needed to see that too! Renewal and life after death (or after imprisonment) comes to mind. Lots to muse on here.

  2. From the first sentence to the last, this remarkable prose, grabs you by the heart and doesn’t let go. An extraordinary piece of work.

    1. Wow, that’s such high praise BW, thank you so much! I was watching the Queen’s funeral and writing this on my phone. I felt incredibly moved to write something today. Love and light, Deborah.

      1. The cry we hear from deep in our hearts, comes from the wounded child within. Healing this inner child’s pain is the key healing to transforming anger, sadness, and fear. – Thich Nhat Hanh

        1. Thanks for sharing this quote BW as I’ve just read the most wonderful essay by Thich Nhat Hanh titled … “Healing the Child Within” … I’ll post the link below and include some beautiful, wise words I found therein.

          https://www.lionsroar.com/healing-the-child-within/

          “We have a lamp inside us, the lamp of mindfulness, which we can light anytime. The oil of that lamp is our breathing, our steps, and our peaceful smile. We have to light up that lamp of mindfulness so the light will shine out and the darkness will dissipate and cease. Our practice is to light up the lamp.”

  3. Speechless Deborah. Very moving, very beautiful. Yes the Queen’s funeral would be and is a wonderful opportunity for all unshed tears – each tear like a sparkling jewel. Sadly have not had TV access in the last few days so I have missed this final pageantry. What I saw last week was truly magnificent.
    In for op tomorrow here in Cape Town. 3.30 pm. overnight. These last few days in Cape Town have been so wonderfully extraordinary in so many ways. Going to take a lot of digesting my side.
    Love to you Deborah across the land and oceans – happy Equinox!

    1. “Each tear as a sparkling jewel”, what a beautiful description! Thank you so much dear Susan for your deeply moving reply! The Queen’s coffin has just been lowered into the Royal Vault below St. George’s Chapel. Tears flow. We’ve been witnessing history that’s never been seen before. It’s just incredible and as you say, truly magnificent!

      I hope your leg operation goes well tomorrow and that you get some much needed relief after these weeks and months of pain and sleep disturbance. No doubt your Inner Child put in an appearance, here and there too. Have you got to read “The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating” yet, if not it might be good read while you convalesce.

      Happy Equinox to you dear friend! Sending you love, light and laughter across the oceans between us, Deborah.

  4. Dear Deborah. So heart-touching and beautiful. You wrote another soulful and emotional poem showing the way out of pain toward the light; hope! I know that the grief remains but with the help of wisdom, we will learn to overcome.

    1. Thank you so much dear Aladin for your own heart-touching and beautiful reply! It’s taken me years to learn how to reconnect to “Feelings” and the “Child” within. I had no idea how on the one hand how disassociation would save me and on the other, how it would imprison me for years. The freedom I feel is wonderful, however, given certain weather conditions (or state funerals in this case today), the wounds, they still weep a little which is understandable and okay. Love and light, Deborah.

  5. Deborah, I’m deeply moved by your prose poem. Thank you for sharing the grief, tears and wisdom of your inner child. What a paradox it is that while a person is being harmed, disassociation may save them but the long term damage effect done by those dark angels is greater. You’ve written about something that’s incredibly hard to describe, let alone read. All the best, Anna.

    1. Thank you so much Anna for your kind-hearted, reflective comment! A few years back I read a brilliant book by Donald Kalsched titled, “Trauma and the Soul” where he explores these dark angels (this is my pet name for them) which he names the “self-care system” … it’s a fascinating read if you felt the urge to dig deeper into the subject of trauma … being as those dark angels often outstay their welcome and always imprison the child. Dreams (or maybe I should refer to them as nightmares) reveal this, time and time again. Love and light, Deborah.

      1. Dark angels sound about right!! Should I start with his first trauma book – The Inner World of Trauma: Archetypal Defences of the Personal Spirit?

        1. To be honest Anna, I haven’t read his first book, I just dived straight into “Trauma and the Soul”.

  6. Goddess save the Poet-Child. Do the wounds become poems and art and love? Although I had childhood wounds, no one intentionally hurt me–and I’ve always been grateful for that protection. Thank you for sharing your heart and hurts. I’ve been thinking of you as the Queen’s memorial goes on and on giving everyone time to feel what they must feel about Mother Loss. With love and soothing from the Monarch Mama

    1. Thank you so much dear Elaine for your beautiful, heartfelt response! Like millions of others, I spent the morning watching the Queen’s funeral and was deeply moved by it. Before too long though I started typing into my phone and this prose poem is the result. Aww, the ‘Poet-Child’ is a wonderful name. I have a copy of this Klimt’s painting which provides daily inspiration for me to connect to the ‘child within’. Yes, the wounds often become poems, art and love … offering deep healing, always. Mother wounds are deep wounds aren’t they, perhaps the deepest of all wounds. Love and light always, Deborah.

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